In surrogacy, people often focus on the legal, medical and logistical steps involved in bringing a baby into the world. These steps matter, but there is another layer that deserves equal care: the baby’s early attachment experience.
Attachment is not simply an emotional idea. It is biological. In the first days, weeks and months of life, babies depend on caregivers to regulate stress, organise arousal, and create a felt sense of safety through touch, voice, rhythm, predictability and attuned care. Early caregiving relationships help shape the infant’s developing nervous system and emotional regulation capacities (Perry et al., 2017; Sullivan, Perry, Sloan, Kleinhaus, & Burtchen, 2011). Research consistently shows that caregiver responsiveness and co-regulation are central to infant development.
This is especially relevant in the surrogacy relinquishment process, because surrogacy involves a carefully planned transition in which the person who carried the baby is not the baby’s long-term parent. That does not mean the process is harmful or inherently problematic. In fact, studies of surrogacy families have shown positive child and family outcomes, including healthy parent–child relationships in intended-parent families formed through surrogacy (Golombok et al., 2011).
What it does mean is that the transition at birth deserves thoughtful, psychologically informed care. For intended parents and surrogates navigating this process, online surrogacy counselling services can also offer valuable emotional support before birth, during the handover period, and in the postnatal adjustment phase.
Attachment begins through caregiving, not only through pregnancy
One of the most important ideas in infant mental health is that attachment develops through repeated experiences of caregiving. Babies become attached to the people who consistently meet their needs and regulate their distress. That process is shaped by ongoing sensitive care more than by biology alone. Early attachment is built through proximity, responsiveness and co-regulation (Cassidy, 1994; Sullivan et al., 2011).
This matters in surrogacy because it helps us avoid simplistic thinking. The baby may have experienced the surrogate’s voice, movements and internal rhythms during pregnancy, and that prenatal experience is meaningful. At the same time, the baby’s primary attachment relationships after birth will develop through the ongoing caregiving environment provided by the intended parent or parents. Research on surrogacy families has found that intended-parent families can form warm, secure and healthy parent–child relationships over time.
In other words, the relevance of attachment in surrogacy is not that relinquishment should be feared. It is that the transition should be held carefully, with the baby’s nervous system and early relational needs kept firmly in mind.
Why the relinquishment process is psychologically significant
The relinquishment process in surrogacy is often framed as a legal handover, but psychologically it is better understood as a relational transition. Qualitative research suggests that surrogates often experience relinquishment as meaningful, emotionally complex and shaped by preparation, expectations and relational context, even when they remain clear that the baby belongs with the intended parents (Ferolino et al., 2020).
Research also shows that surrogacy can be emotionally demanding for surrogates, with some studies recommending professional psychological support before, during and after pregnancy (Tashi et al., 2014; Patel et al., 2020). For this reason, relinquishment should never be treated as emotionally irrelevant simply because it is planned. Access to online surrogacy counselling services may be particularly helpful here, especially for families and surrogates seeking flexible support across different locations.
From an infant mental health perspective, the central question is not whether the baby understands the legal structure of surrogacy. The baby does not. The central question is whether the transition into the intended parents’ care is handled in a way that supports regulation, continuity and safety.
The baby’s nervous system needs careful transition, not abrupt disruption
Newborns are biologically primed for co-regulation. Touch, skin-to-skin contact, warmth, smell, heartbeat, voice and calm containment all support physiological regulation in the neonatal period (Ionio et al., 2021; Widström et al., 2019). Early physical contact has been associated with improved stress regulation, interactional quality and bonding-related processes (Bigelow & Power, 2020).
In surrogacy, this means birth planning should consider not only medical safety and legal clarity, but also how to support the baby’s regulation during the handover to intended parents. This may include minimising unnecessary separation, planning early contact with intended parents, ensuring calm and coordinated care, and creating a birth environment where everyone understands their role.
This is one reason surrogacy-aware maternity care matters so much. Emerging Australian research highlights the value of relationship-centred intrapartum care that recognises surrogates, intended parents and infants, and supports emotionally prepared, respectful handovers at birth.
Why this matters for intended parents
For intended parents, understanding attachment as biological can be empowering. It reminds them that attachment is built through showing up repeatedly: feeding, settling, holding, soothing, noticing cues, responding to distress and becoming the baby’s reliable source of safety.
Many intended parents have already bonded deeply with the baby during pregnancy through anticipation, involvement, talking to the baby, attending appointments and emotionally preparing for parenthood. Some research suggests that close involvement between intended parents and surrogates during pregnancy can support this relational transition. After birth, that developing connection becomes embodied through caregiving.
The key task is not to erase the significance of gestation. It is to support a smooth movement from pregnancy-based connection into ongoing postnatal attachment-building. For some intended parents, online surrogacy counselling services can also support this transition by providing space to process anxiety, anticipation, identity shifts and early bonding concerns.
Why this matters for surrogates
This perspective also helps protect surrogates from emotionally simplistic narratives. Surrogates are often very clear about their role and the intended parents’ parenthood, yet may still experience birth and relinquishment as psychologically significant. Research on surrogates’ lived experiences shows that relinquishment can carry personal meaning and deserves nuanced understanding rather than assumption or minimisation.
Good surrogacy care therefore makes space for the surrogate’s emotional experience without conflating that with parental status. Both truths can coexist: the surrogate is not the intended long-term parent, and the birth transition may still require thoughtful emotional support. In this context, online surrogacy counselling services may offer an accessible way for surrogates to receive support before and after birth.
A baby-centred approach to surrogacy relinquishment
A psychologically informed surrogacy relinquishment process is one that asks: What does this baby need for regulation, safety and continuity right now? It also asks: How do we support the surrogate and intended parents to move through this transition in a respectful, emotionally contained way?
When attachment science is applied well, it does not undermine surrogacy. It strengthens it. It encourages birth and postnatal planning that is infant-informed, trauma-aware and relationally thoughtful. It reminds us that babies enter the world needing regulation through caregiving, and that the adults around them must work together to make that transition as safe and settled as possible.
In surrogacy, relinquishment is not just a legal event. It is a developmental moment. And when that moment is held with care, preparation and respect for infant mental health, it can support the baby, the surrogate and the intended parents alike. For families wanting additional emotional support around this process, online surrogacy counselling services can complement thoughtful clinical and birth planning.
If you are currently looking for a surrogacy counsellor, contact our friendly team.
References
Bigelow, A. E., & Power, M. (2020). Mother–infant skin-to-skin contact: Short- and long-term effects for mothers and their children born full-term. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 1921.
Cassidy, J. (1994). Emotion regulation: Influences of attachment relationships. Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development, 59(2–3), 228–249.
Ferolino, A. P., Kerns, K. A., & Souter, V. (2020). Mothers for others: An interpretative phenomenological analysis of gestational surrogates’ child relinquishment experiences. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 578605.
Golombok, S., Readings, J., Blake, L., Casey, P., Marks, A., & Jadva, V. (2011). Families created through surrogacy: Mother-child relationships and children’s psychological adjustment at age 7. Developmental Psychology, 47(6), 1579–1588.
Ionio, C., Mascheroni, E., Colombo, C., Castoldi, F., & Lista, G. (2021). Parent–infant skin-to-skin contact and stress regulation: A systematic review of the literature. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 18(9), 4695.
Patel, A., Sharma, P. S. V. N., Kumar, P., & Binu, V. S. (2020). Psychosocial aspects of surrogacy: A narrative review. Journal of Human Reproductive Sciences, 13(1), 5–12.
Perry, R. E., Blair, C., & Sullivan, R. M. (2017). Neurobiology of infant attachment: Attachment despite adversity and parental programming of emotionality. Current Opinion in Psychology, 17, 1–6.
Sullivan, R., Perry, R., Sloan, A., Kleinhaus, K., & Burtchen, N. (2011). Infant bonding and attachment to the caregiver: Insights from basic and clinical science. Clinics in Perinatology, 38(4), 643–655.
Tashi, S., Behere, P. B., & Natraj, G. S. (2014). Emotional experiences in surrogate mothers: A qualitative study. Indian Journal of Psychological Medicine, 36(1), 49–55.
Widström, A. M., Brimdyr, K., Svensson, K., Cadwell, K., Nissen, E., & Winberg, J. (2019). Skin-to-skin contact the first hour after birth, underlying implications and clinical practice. Acta Paediatrica, 108(7), 1192–1204.
