Surrogacy is often described as an act of generosity, connection, and collaborative family-building. It brings together individuals who hope to build a family and those who choose to support them in doing so. When supported thoughtfully, surrogacy can be meaningful, empowering, and deeply relational for everyone involved.
However, surrogacy occurs within social systems shaped by power, inequality, and privilege. Who can access surrogacy? Who becomes a surrogate? Who benefits from legal protections? These questions highlight why understanding privilege in surrogacy is essential not only for ethical practice but also for the long-term psychological well-being of surrogates, intended parents, and children. In this context, online surrogacy counselling support services can provide an additional space for reflection, preparation, and emotional support across the surrogacy journey.
What Do We Mean by Privilege in Surrogacy?
Privilege refers to unearned advantages provided by social, economic, and cultural systems (McIntosh, 1988). Privilege does not imply intent or blame; it simply acknowledges that some people have access to opportunities or protection that others do not.
In surrogacy, privilege can include:
- Financial privilege (ability to afford fertility care or travel)
- Legal privilege (access to secure parentage laws and protections)
- Educational privilege (understanding medical/ethical requirements)
- Health privilege (ability to undergo treatment or pregnancy)
- Citizenship privilege (living where surrogacy is legally regulated)
- Cultural privilege (belonging to family structures deemed “acceptable”)
These privileges shape experiences and outcomes, even when they feel invisible to the people who hold them.
Why Privilege Matters for Intended Parents
Many intended parents arrive at surrogacy after infertility, illness, miscarriage, discrimination, or loss (Bromfield & Rotabi, 2014). Their experience often includes grief and vulnerability. Yet, even when people have suffered, they can still hold structural privilege within the surrogacy process.
For example:
- The ability to pay for multiple IVF cycles is tied to financial privilege.
- The capacity to take leave, secure legal support, or access counselling represents a structural advantage.
- The ability to navigate healthcare and legal systems due to education, language, or citizenship reflects social privilege.
Understanding privilege is not about guilt – it is about ethical responsibility. Responsible surrogacy requires that intended parents recognise the power they may unintentionally hold and commit to processes that protect autonomy, consent, and emotional safety for the surrogate (Berend, 2016). Access to online surrogacy counselling support services may also assist intended parents to explore these dynamics in a structured and reflective way.
Privilege and Surrogates
Surrogates can experience privilege and vulnerability simultaneously. In Australia, altruistic surrogates generally have access to:
- Comprehensive healthcare
- Independent legal rights
- Counselling support
- Consent-based parentage systems
Yet, research shows that surrogates may also experience social judgment, family pressure, or lower socioeconomic status compared to intended parents (Teman, 2010). Without awareness, subtle power dynamics can emerge—such as guilt, obligation, or pressure to meet expectations.
Ethically responsible surrogacy avoids:
- Idealising surrogates as “selfless heroes”
- Expecting emotional labour beyond their consent
- Assuming they hold universal resilience
Healthy surrogacy protects the surrogate’s autonomy, voice, and emotional boundaries (Jadva et al., 2021). In addition, online surrogacy counselling support services may offer accessible psychological support for surrogates navigating the emotional complexity of the process.
Privilege in International Surrogacy
Privilege becomes especially complex when surrogacy crosses borders. Australians engaging in international arrangements may hold legal and financial advantages that surrogates abroad do not, even when the arrangement is ethical and consensual (Rotabi & Bromfield, 2012).
Inequities may include:
- Economic disparities
- Lack of long-term health coverage for surrogates
- Language barriers impacting informed consent
- Limited legal recourse for the surrogate
- Cultural stigma she may face, but the intended parents do not
International surrogacy is not inherently exploitative. However, research consistently emphasises that power imbalance increases ethical risk, requiring robust regulation, clear counselling standards, and protections for surrogates—before, during, and after pregnancy (Crozier & Martin, 2017). In these contexts, online surrogacy counselling support services can support communication, preparation, and emotional containment across geographical distance.
The Psychological Impact of Ignoring Privilege
When privilege goes unacknowledged, relational imbalances can arise, affecting mental health outcomes. Research identifies risks such as:
- Difficulty asserting boundaries (Jadva et al., 2021)
- Suppression of unmet needs to “keep the peace”
- Over-identification or over-connection post-birth
- Confusion about roles or ongoing expectations
- Pressure to appear grateful, generous, or “easy”
These dynamics can lead to unresolved emotional strain for surrogates and intended parents, and may complicate the child’s later understanding of the story if secrecy, guilt, or imbalance has shaped decisions (Golombok et al., 2011).
How Do We Move Toward Ethical and Conscious Surrogacy?
✔ Transparent communication
Shared decision-making and clear boundaries from the outset.
✔ Independent legal and psychological support
Each party represented separately, with counselling addressing power dynamics, expectations, and emotional impacts (Australian Psychological Society, 2017). Where needed, online surrogacy counselling support services can complement this process.
✔ Ongoing Consent, not a one-time signature
Consent must remain free from pressure, obligation, or indebtedness.
✔ Post-birth relational planning
Clear expectations around contact, boundaries, and closure to support long-term well-being.
✔ Respect without idealisation
Surrogacy is a collaboration, not a sacrifice. No one is a saviour; no one is indebted.
Privilege Can Be Used for Good
Privilege itself is not harmful. It becomes harmful when we ignore it. When acknowledged, privilege can:
- Advocate for safer systems
- Support vulnerable participants
- Protect consent for surrogates
- Create meaningful, ethical stories for children
We cannot remove inequality from human experience—but we can refuse to build families on it.
Surrogacy Done Well Is Shared Humanity
Surrogacy thrives when all participants are valued, protected, and empowered. Recognising privilege does not undermine relationships; it strengthens them. It honours the generosity of surrogates, the vulnerability of intended parents, and the rights of children to inherit a story built on respect and dignity.
Ethical surrogacy practice also includes access to appropriate psychological care. For many, online surrogacy counselling support services provide a flexible and accessible way to engage in this support throughout the surrogacy journey.
If you are embarking, or in the midst of, the surrogacy journey and need some support, contact our friendly team.
References
Australian Psychological Society. (2017). Ethical guidelines for psychological practice in family law contexts. APS.
Berend, Z. (2016). The online world of surrogacy. Berghahn Books.
Bromfield, N. F., & Rotabi, K. A. (2014). Global surrogacy, exploitation, and transnational feminist perspectives. Affilia, 29(3), 359–374.
Crozier, G. K., & Martin, T. (2017). Ethical issues in transnational surrogacy arrangements. Developing World Bioethics, 17(2), 76–83.
Golombok, S., et al. (2011). Families created through surrogacy: Mother–child relationships and child adjustment at age 7. Developmental Psychology, 47(6), 1579–1588.
Jadva, V., Gamble, N., Prosser, H., & Nelson, P. (2021). Surrogacy in the UK: Issues and experiences. Human Fertility, 24(1), 91–99.
McIntosh, P. (1988). White privilege and male privilege. Wellesley Centers for Women.
Rotabi, K. A., & Bromfield, N. F. (2012). Intercountry adoption and global surrogacy: A framework for ethical policy. International Social Work, 55(1), 39–52.
Teman, E. (2010). Birthing a mother: The surrogate body and the pregnant self. University of California Press.
