Receiving a neurodiversity diagnosis as an adult can be deeply validating—especially for people who have spent years feeling like they were “too much,” “not enough,” or simply out of step with the world around them. A diagnosis doesn’t erase the challenges you may have carried since childhood, but it can give you something powerful: context. It can help you make sense of long-standing patterns, reduce shame, and open the door to self-understanding and practical support.
If you’re feeling relieved, emotional, confused, angry, hopeful—or all of the above—you’re not alone. Many people experience a mix of grief and clarity as they begin to view their life through a neurodivergent lens. The good news is: you don’t have to figure it all out at once.
Common questions after a late diagnosis
After a later-in-life diagnosis (for example, ADHD and/or autism), it’s common for your mind to start racing with questions, including: What does this diagnosis mean for me? Why wasn’t this picked up earlier? What is masking? Why do I feel exhausted? How do I manage emotional overwhelm?
These questions are a normal part of the process. This stage is often where psychoeducation becomes incredibly helpful—learning about how your brain works, what your traits might look like in your day-to-day life, and what supports actually fit you.
Therapy after diagnosis is a marathon, not a sprint
One of the most important things to know is this: adjusting to a neurodiversity diagnosis takes time. Therapy following diagnosis is best viewed as a marathon, not a sprint—a steady, supportive process where you explore what this means for you personally, within the context of your life, relationships, and history.
Neuro-affirming therapy can provide a safe, grounded space to:
- Make sense of your diagnosis (without pathologising you)
- Reframe past experiences through a kinder lens
- Reduce shame and self-criticism
- Build practical strategies for regulation, energy, and daily functioning
- Explore identity (including the “who am I without masking?” question)
BLOG – I have received a neurod…
A helpful reframe: the square peg and the round hole
Here’s an analogy I often use in sessions:
Being neurodivergent can sometimes feel like trying to fit a square peg through a round hole. You are the square peg, and the world you’re trying to function in is often designed around neurotypical expectations. Over time, many neurodivergent people learn (consciously or subconsciously) to “shave off” parts of themselves to fit—often through masking, which can look like hiding traits, over-preparing, people-pleasing, or performing “normal.”
In therapy, our goal isn’t to force you to become a better “round peg.” It’s to reduce the pressure to keep shaving yourself down—and instead support you to widen the circle: shifting expectations, building accommodations, and creating a life that fits your nervous system and your strengths.
What to focus on next: a steady roadmap
1) Stabilise first: self-compassion and nervous system support
Right after diagnosis, emotions can run high. Before you “fix” anything, start with gentleness. Helpful first steps include:
- Naming what you feel (relief, grief, anger, sadness, validation)
- Noticing where your body holds stress (jaw, chest, stomach, shoulders)
- Building micro-regulation moments into your day (breathing, movement, sensory breaks)
2) Understand your personal neuro-profile
Two people can share the same diagnosis and have very different experiences. Consider exploring:
- Your sensory profile (sound, light, touch, clothing, crowds)
- Your attention style (interest-based focus, distractibility, hyperfocus)
- Your executive function patterns (initiation, planning, time, working memory)
- Your social energy needs (connection vs recovery time)
3) Identify where masking has been costing you
Masking can be adaptive—but expensive. Many adults (particularly women and gender-diverse people) reach diagnosis after years of coping through perfectionism, over-functioning, and “holding it together” until burnout hits. Exploring masking can help you:
- Recognise what’s sustainable vs what’s performance
- Reduce self-blame (“I’m not lazy—I’m overloaded”)
- Build new ways to communicate needs and boundaries
4) Build supports that reduce daily friction
Support can look like therapy, coaching, medication (if appropriate), workplace accommodations, relationship conversations, or practical systems at home. Examples include:
- Simplifying routines (fewer steps, clearer cues)
- Externalising memory (lists, visual prompts, automation)
- Planning for transitions (buffer time, decompression after tasks)
- Reducing sensory load (headphones, lighting changes, quiet spaces)
5) Re-write the story (without rewriting your whole life overnight)
A diagnosis can bring grief for what you didn’t receive earlier—support, understanding, or accurate labels. In therapy, we often work on:
- Integrating the diagnosis into your identity
- Making meaning of past experiences with compassion
- Strengthening self-trust and self-advocacy
- Moving forward with realistic, supportive expectations
When to reach out for extra support
Consider seeking neuro-affirming support if you’re experiencing:
- Frequent overwhelm, shutdown, or meltdowns
- Burnout and exhaustion that doesn’t lift with rest
- Shame spirals and harsh self-talk
- Relationship stress tied to misunderstandings or unmet needs
- Work/study difficulties (especially around executive functioning)
- A sense of “I don’t know who I am without masking”
How Happy Minds Psychology can help
At Happy Minds Psychology, we offer a warm, practical, neuro-affirming approach that helps you understand your neurodivergence and build strategies that genuinely fit your life. Appointments are available in Melbourne and via telehealth across Australia.
If you’d like support after a diagnosis, we can help you:
- Make sense of your assessment results and what they mean day-to-day
- Develop tailored regulation and coping tools
- Reduce masking and rebuild sustainable routines
- Strengthen boundaries, communication, and self-advocacy
- Work through grief, identity shifts, and self-acceptance
FAQ
Is it normal to feel emotional after a neurodiversity diagnosis?
Yes. Many people feel relief and validation alongside grief, anger, or sadness about what wasn’t understood earlier.
What is masking in ADHD or autism?
Masking is the process of hiding or suppressing neurodivergent traits to meet social expectations. It can be helpful short-term, but often contributes to burnout over time.
What should I do first after an adult ADHD or autism diagnosis?
Start with psychoeducation and self-compassion. Then focus on practical supports and strategies that reduce daily friction—step by step.
Can therapy help after a diagnosis if I’m “high functioning”?
Absolutely. Many “high functioning” adults are high-masking and high-cost coping. Therapy can help you build sustainable ways of living and reduce burnout.
Ready for support after a neurodiversity diagnosis?
At Happy Minds Psychology, we take a warm, practical, neuro-affirming approach—helping you make sense of your diagnosis and build strategies that genuinely fit your life (not the other way around). Therapy is a marathon, not a sprint, and you don’t have to do the next stage alone.
Whether you’re newly diagnosed with ADHD and/or autism, unpacking years of masking and burnout, or simply wanting a kinder framework for understanding yourself, we’re here to help.
